Looking for a tempting summer experience? Well, look no further than the Snooze! In case you missed them, here are Snooze’s picks for this year’s best bronzers.

Willow Wellesley: “My Summer at JP Licks (Tenstein Bank) – I lived in New York for three months and all I got was an inflated sense of self”

After a fulfilling summer of working 20-hour weeks as part of the top income bracket, Willow Wellesley had enough cash to buy a bookstore membership. “Finance is my passion; Excel spreadsheets really excite me,” Willow said. Willow will be returning to JP Licks (Tenstein Bank) this summer after her graduation as per her return offer. “The world of finance needs more young, growing women. #PUSSYPOWER #FinanceHoesB4Bros.

Wendy Wellesley: “An Exploration of Gender and Vagina – How I Kept My Summer Hot and Wet”

She’s the one in (of) charge. Graphics courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach

A summer filled with chlamydia, yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, and more, Wendy Wellesley spent the summer following up on gynecologists across the state of western Idaho as part of Wellesley’s Wellesley in the Idaho Hive Summer Internship Program (WISH). Her summer culminated with a 100-page article on how vaginas empower our minds and imprison our souls. “Vagines are the windows to the soul and the outlets of our discharge,” Wendy said in the Tanner of hers.

Wanda Wellesley: “Coping with Colonization: My Two-Week Vacation in Hawaii”

Fun times😍😍 tan lines!!!!!!!!!!! Graphics courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach

Though I was practically dragged along for my family’s annual Hawaiian vacation, I decided to use my time to reflect on a deeply troubling issue: colonization. With every ice-cold piña colada, sunset stroll on the private sandy beach, and conversation with the hotel masseuse I formed an unlikely friendship with, it was impossible to deny: I, Wanda Wellesley, was accomplice. Use code WANDA20 for 20% off your first night at the Honolulu Hilton! Terms and conditions may apply.

Wallace Wellesley: “How to be an Entrepreneur: My Summer Startup: The Lemoñade Booth”

Wallace Wellesley’s summer got off to a bad start. After 369 rejection letters from finance, tech, consulting, law, journalism, education, Camp Rock, communications, and their girlfriend of two months, Wallace decided to take their summer into his own hands. With those hands, they squeezed 700,000 barrels of sweet and sour lemonade. Although they spent $8,000 (USD) on supplies (including Squeezy2000TM extension), and only returned a $70.47 profit, Wallace learned a valuable lesson: “Bankruptcy hurts less when it’s just your parents’ money.”

Following #StillWithHer Footsteps: reflections from the political leadership on female war criminals

America’s next best war criminal. Graphics courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach

When Military Drone withdrew my invitation to the 150th Annual Women War Criminals Political Summit last spring, I had no idea what to expect. I was shocked! How did I, a Wellesley College student with a double major in economics and political science, get lucky to be among the ranks of the greatest female war criminals the world has ever known? I arrived at the venue (totally private, but rhymes with The Shmentagon) and was immediately confronted with all my idols. Some highlights of my summer included learning about nuclear codes, buying a crisp white pantsuit from Ann Taylor, and eating Margaret Thatcher themed biscuits (or should I say biscuits)!

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